It is possible to love someone wholly and completely with all your heart while simultaneously knowing wholly and completely with all your heart that you cannot find lasting happiness with them.
I took a leap. And now we wait.
This is not an anomalous story: a woman losing herself in her intimate relationships.
It’s been nearly six months and my mind is finally becoming my own again. For five and a half months you couldn’t really say I was ‘getting over him’ what I was doing could only be described as ‘not calling him.’ And look, I’m not saying I deserve a medal or anything, but I’m notContinue reading “Moving On from an On-Again/Off-Again Relationship”
There’s something about my experience here on earth that involves living out my worst fears. Not in the macro, nuclear, loved ones dying/world ending kind of way, but the micro, ‘I’m not worthy/deserving of love’ kind of way. Getting beat up in high school was something that terrified me from a super young age. I’dContinue reading “Worst Fears”
I have gotten too good at going it alone. I am an affectionate person who has learned not to be touched. I live, work and travel alone. I eat, sleep and dance alone. My wires got crossed somewhere along the way, COVID was far too easy for me. I only started to question it, questionContinue reading “I Miss Hugs”
I’m not gay for the same reasons I didn’t become a teacher: everyone said I would.
A very long time ago I made a deal with God: I said that I would forgo love for a Writing Life. Love was the only thing I wanted nearly as much as to write, and surely, I thought, success at writing would demand a great sacrifice.
I’m really bad in relationships and I’m even worse out of them. When I am in one, I’m generally thinking of everything that is wrong with us (see: Him), and when I am out of one, I’m generally thinking of everything that was right with us (see: Him).
I have spent most of my life either alone or trying to make others happy. And not because they asked me to but because their wants and needs were so much clearer to me than my own. I became so used to this routine that I assumed this was being in a relationship. I started to think that making other people happy was what made me happy.