Sometimes I am grounded enough to see the choice as if it was as simple as choosing a flavor of ice cream — do you want fear or belief today? Both are in stock.
Maybe the rest, maybe all of the journey thus far has just been the lesson being repackaged over and over and over again in the hopes that one of these times I’ll finally see the answer through the material goods, mental anguish, boredom, and gluten-free cookie dough ice cream.
But here’s the interesting part: every now and then instead of trying to change your anger in the last 10 minutes, instead of trying to not feel it, to not see it head on, instead of denying that this lesser part of you exists, you just allow it to be. You let it turn you hot, you attempt to dispel nothing. And generally this moment right here, this is the reason why we meditate, because somehow it dissipates on its own.
I first had to make the mental shift before I could receive the help, and that was the only way I was able to avoid repeating all of my past ways. When I was finally ready, with humility and acceptance, the universe was waiting. As she always is.
It’s not magic, it’s just physics (readers note: I am not a magician or a physicist, so apologies if I am mis-representing facts about either one’s reality). If I am pushing something away, or running from something, then my words about wanting it are irrelevant. And if I don’t get to the root of my fears, then it doesn’t matter how hard I work or want or pray, I will never be in alignment with myself and thus always just living out variations of the same struggle.