In the last years we were together, I knew things weren’t lining up, his words, his actions, things were off. But I also knew I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone I didn’t trust and I wanted to be with him, so I decided to trust him.
I took a leap. And now we wait.
This is not an anomalous story: a woman losing herself in her intimate relationships.
Depression was the result of doubting the legitimacy of my own experience.
There’s something about my experience here on earth that involves living out my worst fears. Not in the macro, nuclear, loved ones dying/world ending kind of way, but the micro, ‘I’m not worthy/deserving of love’ kind of way. Getting beat up in high school was something that terrified me from a super young age. I’dContinue reading “Worst Fears”
I have gotten too good at going it alone. I am an affectionate person who has learned not to be touched. I live, work and travel alone. I eat, sleep and dance alone. My wires got crossed somewhere along the way, COVID was far too easy for me. I only started to question it, questionContinue reading “I Miss Hugs”
For so long, self-protection was my baseline; shame my motivation; and anger, anxiety and defensiveness my personality.
Step 7 “Humbly ask God as we understand it to remove our shortcomings” The Scene: A living room with both parties sitting on either ends of a couch. 12 Steps appears open and relaxed, Pam has knees pulled up to chest with blanket wrapped around her shoulders while not making eye contact. Coffee table setContinue reading “A Conversation Between Me and The 12 Steps on Step 7”
Absence, though uncomfortable, is not something to be avoided or afraid of. It’s awful. It’s the bringer to light of all of our discomfort that we have avoided, sometimes, for years. Absence feels. Even though you think that it shouldn’t. Even though this is the one sensation you think shouldn’t feel like anything, it does.
Have you been suffering from extreme wanderlust, poor relationships, social anxiety, work anxiety, family anxiety, or grocery store anxiety? Or maybe just an unhealthy attachment style in your romantic relationships? What about binge and/or emotional eating? Shopping addiction? Social media addiction? Love addiction? Really, any kind of addiction?? Have no fear!! You may just beContinue reading “You May Not be a F*ck Up After All, You May Just Have PTSD!”