It’s not magic, it’s just physics (readers note: I am not a magician or a physicist, so apologies if I am mis-representing facts about either one’s reality). If I am pushing something away, or running from something, then my words about wanting it are irrelevant. And if I don’t get to the root of my fears, then it doesn’t matter how hard I work or want or pray, I will never be in alignment with myself and thus always just living out variations of the same struggle.
Up until last year, I was flailing around in the dark thinking that that was what I was supposed to be doing. Thinking that it was all magic and mysticism instead of direct, translatable experience. I thought I was a magical unicorn on the path of my own journey, when in fact I am just one of the masses who has come to meditation for answers.
Absence, though uncomfortable, is not something to be avoided or afraid of. It’s awful. It’s the bringer to light of all of our discomfort that we have avoided, sometimes, for years. Absence feels. Even though you think that it shouldn’t. Even though this is the one sensation you think shouldn’t feel like anything, it does.
When I look at my spotty dating history one thing stands out unfortunately clearly: I have never managed to write while in a relationship.
Have you been suffering from extreme wanderlust, poor relationships, social anxiety, work anxiety, family anxiety, or grocery store anxiety? Or maybe just an unhealthy attachment style in your romantic relationships? What about binge and/or emotional eating? Shopping addiction? Social media addiction? Love addiction? Really, any kind of addiction?? Have no fear!! You may just beContinue reading “You May Not be a F*ck Up After All, You May Just Have PTSD!”
This essay was published by Elephant Journal on June 11, 2020 under the title “Uncomfortable Emotions are Wretched. Here’s Why We Should Feel Them Anyway” at https://www.elephantjournal.com/2020/06/uncomfortable-emotions-are-wretched-heres-why-we-should-feel-them-anyway-pamela-stewart/ I don’t know why I ever write about anything other than the struggle of writing itself. It’s the only thing that comes naturally to me. It reveals a stubbornness,Continue reading “From (and for) the Writer Who Doesn’t Write and is Sure as Hell Not Going to Start Now”