In the last years we were together, I knew things weren’t lining up, his words, his actions, things were off. But I also knew I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone I didn’t trust and I wanted to be with him, so I decided to trust him.
I have heard at two different times in my life, in no uncertain terms, that I am supposed to write. Both times in response to prayers of desperation said aloud to the sky: what am I supposed to be doing?
It is possible to love someone wholly and completely with all your heart while simultaneously knowing wholly and completely with all your heart that you cannot find lasting happiness with them.
I took a leap. And now we wait.
This is not an anomalous story: a woman losing herself in her intimate relationships.
Depression was the result of doubting the legitimacy of my own experience.
It’s been nearly six months and my mind is finally becoming my own again. For five and a half months you couldn’t really say I was ‘getting over him’ what I was doing could only be described as ‘not calling him.’ And look, I’m not saying I deserve a medal or anything, but I’m notContinue reading “Moving On from an On-Again/Off-Again Relationship”
If not now when? If you’re not happy on the journey, you won’t be happy once you reach the destination. Happiness can only be found in the present. Blah. Blah. Blah. I KNOW. I GET IT. If you’re seeking, reaching, striving, straining, in anyway thinking, “I’ll be happy when…” then achievement will never be enoughContinue reading “Enough”
There’s something about my experience here on earth that involves living out my worst fears. Not in the macro, nuclear, loved ones dying/world ending kind of way, but the micro, ‘I’m not worthy/deserving of love’ kind of way. Getting beat up in high school was something that terrified me from a super young age. I’dContinue reading “Worst Fears”
I have gotten too good at going it alone. I am an affectionate person who has learned not to be touched. I live, work and travel alone. I eat, sleep and dance alone. My wires got crossed somewhere along the way, COVID was far too easy for me. I only started to question it, questionContinue reading “I Miss Hugs”